sweden

oh readers, i have sooo much to share!! :)  life has been intense since my last update (the one prior to a smorgasbord of men, this entry has been in draft form for awhile).  i lost my beloved nana to dementia, i went on two vacations and one business trip, and i turned thirty-one.  i will admit to being a bit "eek" and i do feel that (younger) people look at me a bit differently now when i tell them my age.  i chock that up to my good looks... and i've been dating more than ever, so that's great news for you!!

let's talk about sweden.  the guy, not the country.  he's blonde haired, blue eyes, muscle built guy, very strong accent, twenty-five years old, and he has these crazy awesome tattoos of werewolves, ancient bears, and an eagle.  YES. this darling lives in sweden but was visiting the states and cruising with his cousin and friend.  i met him at the nightclub on our girls cruise last month.  he asked for a smoke and we started chatting, he bought me a drink, and then we're on the dance floor with him sticking his tongue down my throat.  and in true "I'M ON VACATION" fashion, i went with it!

(he bought me a drink, but he didn't ask me what i wanted to drink.  i had a bad experience in las vegas a few years ago with winning 13 blackjacks in one night and also doing 13 shots of jagermeister.  i swore to never drink that shit again after feeling like i might die of alcohol poisoning the next day.  also, fuck licquorise.)

before long, we go back to his room to make out and his roommate is there, asleep.  hello college dorm circa 2000!  you only live once, right?  we didn't have sex because i wasn't trying to give his roommate a show, plus we didn't have a condom.  that didn't stop him from asking me if he could have anal sex with me...... men don't seem to understand that condoms are for more then preventing pregnancy...  guess the sex education in sweden didn't cover that.  instead, i sat on his face and we made a date for sex the following day.

the next day, our day at sea, he comes to my cabin where i'm staying with two of my girlfriends.  did i mention i'm sleeping on the top bunk?  seeing as how having sex on a bunk bed is a bit difficult, i had already hit my head several times simply climbing into bed to sleep, i decide the only solution is to have sex on my friend's bed.  that's what friends are for?  don't worry, reader, i'm not some hussy.  i used my own comforter and pillows as not to "dirty up" my roomies bed.  she knows i'd do it for her <3 AB <3 

somehow my bag of 412 condoms didn't make it in my suitcase.  AB retrievied a condom from the steward and we were ready to go.  i'll say this, if we'd had sex the night before, i bet ya it would have been reallllllllllly good. but at this point, i'm stone cold sober so it was ehhhhhhh... and he came too quickly.  we said our goodbyes and went about our merry ways, knowing we'd just had a one night cruise stand. 

(apparently this happens a lot, as i discovered doing my research for this entry...)

i went about my day, hanging out with the girls, laughing, eating, and gambling.  the last day of the cruise we're all stuck on the boat so you tend to explore more... and you also run into everyone.  so when i was at the casino cashing out my winnings and i noticed sweden, i went over to say hello and chit chat.

me: hey sweden, how's it going, are you winning?
sweden: uhm........... hi.

it was one of the most awkward experiences i've ever had.  and then it dawned on me......  IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX ON A CRUISE SHIP, MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS THE LAST NIGHT SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THIS AWKWARD CONVERSATION IN A CRUISE SHIP CASINO!!!!!  i made light of it, of course... for the remainder of the day when i'd run into my girlfriends, i'd say "uhm........... hi".  it gave me the giggles.  :) 

let this be a lesson to you, single cruise goers.  pack your condoms, make a game plan for where you're going to smush, and do it on the last night.  you're welcome.