maybe he's cheap because he has so little to give

for those of you who know me well, you know that i like to party, smoke, and drink socially.  that's why it was so strange when i started dating T who did none of these things.  we met off of yahoo personals back before sites like match.com and eharmony were popular.  i knew he didn't drink or smoke but i still wanted to give him a chance.  he was cute -- tall, nerd glasses, lots of tattoos, and he looked like he worked out.  sexy times!

(there are plenty of hot straight edge men.  take henry rollings for example.)

our first date we met in old town alexandria.   we got starbucks (i paid for myself) and we walked around.  T didn't have much to say and i was nervous so i rambled on about nonsense.

second date was more walking around and more paying for myself.  this time, we went to bertuccis in old town.

our third date was my annual new year's eve party.  i told all of my friends about this hot tattooed man... who was straight edge.  he didn't care about me drinking or smoking but he didn't do it himself.  i was weirded out by the whole thing.... and i still wasn't quite sure what i thought of T.  even after our third date, i still found him to be quiet and shut off.  i thought he was shy at first but now he's becoming increasingly boring.

after more chatting on the phone and a couple more uneventful dates, we make a date to go to kyoto japanese restaurant in alexandria.

(this was my first time there and i've been back several times.  the food is really good!!)

he picks me up and as we arrive, i joke with him that i'm so hungry i could eat the ocean.  he says "well i only budgeted for you to get 2 rolls."  way to make it awkward!  we go inside and i order my two sushi rolls.  we have our same conversation of me asking him questions and him giving me short answers in return.  boring!

we go back to my house and start fooling around.  he is NOT a good kisser.

he's doing that tongue dart thing and the whole thing feels very un-sexy.  i try to kiss him in the way i like to be kissed but he is not getting the hint.  next thing i know, his pants are off.  surprise!  i was not prepared for that.  i like the more gradual approach to fooling around.  yes, we've had about six dates at this point but we hadn't kissed at all and now your pants are off!!!

so... i glanced down at his penis, hoping it was long or thick or both...

no.

IT WAS A BABY DICK!!!

i think T was the original "baby dick", a moniker i give to men that have little dicks.  so sad for T.  his looked like a thumb that had been partially amputated.  between that and his terrible kissing skills, i knew i could not work with this.

i told T "oops sorry, i forgot i have a meeting in the morning" and he was out the door in a flash.  he was not happy and i could see it in his face.  sorry T, just because you finally paid for my 2 sushi roll dinner does not mean i owe you anything.

he called and left several voice mails after that.  the last one he was yelling "YOU BETTER CALL ME!!" which i did not do.

when i joined match.com last month, he found me on there and checked out my profile.  i checked his out too and he hasn't changed a bit.  poor T... you will find someone.

re-connecting with the past

when i was sixteen, i worked at a local pizza place with some of my high school friends.  i loved working there and we were so bad, but we laughed a lot and always had stories to tell.  one of my co-workers, R, became good friends with our group.  he cooked so we worked closely together since i was a cashier.  and when they needed us at other locations, we both waited tables.

i used to have a monster crush on him, but i was even more shy back then and he could barely speak english so it didn't go anywhere.  he was shy too and so we just stayed friends.  after i left the pizza place, i lost touch with him.  i remember my co-worker/friend mentioning they hung out with him one time, but for all intents and purposes i never saw or heard from him again.

fast forward twelve years and i'm out at the auld shebeen in fairfax (a bar i have never been to) celebrating a friend's birthday.  we go outside to smoke and who walks by but R!  we immediately recognized each other and exchanged phone numbers.  i was so excited.  i had been thinking of him the week prior and there he is, back in my universe.

we've gone out twice since then -- once walking all over old town alexandria followed by dinner, ice cream, and a couple hours sitting and talking at the marina.  and then again out for drinks at the auld shebeen.

i like him a lot and will see where things go.  it's so nice to finally have a positive story to write about!

put me on your do not call list

a few weeks ago, i went to buffalo wild wings with my sister and her friends.  we had a fabulous time!  laughing, story telling, enjoying a friday night and great company.  i was drinking guinness, my favorite beer ever.  when it was time for a refill, lo and behold, the bartender brings me another drink.  "the man at the bar bought this for you."

(SWEET!  the only thing i love more than guinness is FREE guinness)

my sister went to the bar to try and figure out who the mystery guinness man is.  she returns and reports it's a black man.  YAY!  +1 man at the bar.  then he walked by.....  i didn't get a great look at him but he is short.  -1 man at the bar.

as we are waiting for our check, the waitress brings me a note.

(okay fine, i will go and see what this guy is about.)

as i approach the bar, the guy turns around and introduces himself.  he's wearing a black windbreaker and an adidas backpack... not sure how that is a "chef's coat".  he's wasted, eyes going all over the place and i could smell booze on his breath.  he introduces himself and tells me he saw me outside and had to talk to me.  he compliments my eyes and asks for my number right when my sister walks up to save me.

i gave him my number because i never know what to do in situations like that.  i knew it wasn't going to happen with him -- too short, too drunk, and reminds me way too much of my cheater ex.  been there, done that.  so why did i give it to him?!  ACK.  30 minutes later he's already texting me, spelling everything wrong including his name.  nice job.  he called again last night.  hoping he doesn't turn into the 2005 phone stalker!

what do you do when a man asks for your number and you're not interested?

FWB - gmail edition

(i have gmail open and a chat request pops up.  i think J is some dude in colorado until i realize J lives in arlington.)

 J:  I wonder how we started chatting

lol

through CL?

 me:  i have no idea

trying to figure that out myself......

 looks like you bcc'ed me in an email 2 weeks ago

"Hey there! How is it going?  What you been upto lately? Any plans for the weekend?"

(this is when i realize this dude doesn't even know who i am.  he's one of those dudes that go onto dating websites and messages every single woman the same message.  statistically, at least one will take him up on the offer.  i don't even know how he got my email address but bcc'ing me?  i ain't the one.  still, i chat for the amusement factor.)

 J:  yeah, lol

I was trying to figure out how we met

do you use CL?

or OKC?

 me:  okcupid

but i deleted my profile awhile back

too many assholes

J:  why do you think they were assholes?

 me:  well, one had a girlfriend

a few had pictures that were 5-7 years old

most just wanted sex

that's what CL is for 

J:  haha

you not lookig for that I take it?

 me:  no

are you?

 J:  not really, not like I am going out to look for it, but I am open to it if I find the right match

you?

 me:  i want to get to know someone and see what happens

i'm not opposed to sex, but most certainly not on a first date

 J:  yeah, actually me too

always a good idea to know the person

it's always better then

 me:  amen!

so have you had luck with CL or OKC?

 J:  naah, not really

I am not looking for a relationship right now

you?

 me:  that's a good question
i want to find someone special, right now i'm trying to enjoy my life and have fun

so if i meet someone great, if not it's not the end of the world

i stay pretty busy

 J:  ok, I see your point

 me:  i'm not opposed to a relationship but he would need to be awesome

J:  yeah

I want to find someone to have fun with

both in and out of the bedroom, like a best fwb

because honestly, I am too busy to be in a relationship, but miss sex and fun outside with a best friend

(seriously, are there any men out there that AREN'T looking for fwb?)

 me:  so you want the fun stuff but not the commitment??

J:  kinda, I am open to commitment if I find someone great

 me: well if the women on OKC are anything like the men, i'm sure you'll find your fwb

 J:  ha!

you not looking for a similar deal then?

 me:  fwb?

no!

 J:  ha! ok

 me:  i'm looking for drinks and conversation

maybe making out if you are funny and have nice teeth

i don't even know what you look like

 J:  lol, I can send you pics

can I see yours?

 me:  of course

(not)

 J:  sent

ladies, he's not my type.  if he's your type, i'm happy to forward you his email address so he can BCC and FWB and all that good stuff.

(i've blocked J on gmail)