i chatted with M the accountant for a couple of months on okcupid. he looked good on paper but his pictures were iffy. he could be one of those guys who posts pictures from 2001 as their main profile (see the cheap dreamer).
(as my bff pointed out, he has "buggy eyes")
i agree to meet with him at we had our first date at carlyle in arlington. classy joint. M shows up almost an hour late, voice raised and angry that he was in traffic. no apology and no text to say he was stuck. we go inside and we are seated. turns out my ex's bff works there. awkward!
dinner was excellent and the conversation was good too. once M had calmed down he was fun with a hint of sass. i like that. also, his eyes were not buggy. his pictures truly did him no justice. he was tall, dark, very handsome, fit. i could work with this.
there were some big red flags that were raised in the beginning -- he works 15 hour days, giving little time to date. he always bitched about work to the point of affecting his health (i believe). i used to have a job like that so i get it, wasn't going to fault him too much there. but...... he had an awful mean streak/temper. one time i spent the night at his house, i was drinking a bottle of water and he smacked it out of my hand for absolutely no reason. water went everywhere. i was very angry and he had no explanation for his behavior.
after we starting sleeping together, our going out to dinner dates turned into going to his house dates. and i do enjoy staying in, but there has to be some kind of balance!!! i truly want a companion, someone to go OUT with from time to time. not never. so many excuses.
the last time i spent the night was the final straw. he totally freaked out and started throwing cd's around the room and then he fell into a coffee table. it was horrible. i've never dated a man that was physically abusive and even though he wasn't hitting me or throwing things at me, i felt like i'd been physically abused. it was scary and sad. i deserve more than a man who makes me cry. he texted an apology and i sort of forgave him for the misunderstanding, but i also decided i was no longer making an effort to see him. that was the end of february.
mid-march, after returning from vegas, his texts began again. "hi how are you today?" "how was your day? hope it was better than mine" etc.... i didn't know what to think about this. you don't talk to me for weeks and then suddenly "how was your day?" HUH???! when i would reply, it was short and sweet. he finally got the hint and wrote me a long text novel about how he really is a great guy and he wishes he wasn't so busy with work and if i'd only met him at a different time... blah blah blah. excuses are like assholes. everyone's got one.
while i was a bit sad things didn't work out, i'm relieved that i saw his crazed rage issues now rather than a year from now when things got serious. it goes to show that good on paper doesn't equal good. i learn more with each guy i date what i do and do not want.
time to give my okcupid profile an overhaul. third times a charm, right?
