disappointment, my old friend

the last time i updated my blog, i was raving about the metal man and how awesome he was.  on our first date, i though "this guy is going to be my next boyfriend!"  stupid chick brain always believing in the possibility of romance......
 

i really put myself out there with him.  i was transparent.  i didn't put up the walls.  we talked everyday thru text, 1-3 hour long phone conversations... and then suddenly, the phone conversations stopped, the long texts of Q&A changed to short replies.  he wasn't giving me much to work with.  he works essentially 2 full time jobs and takes care of his parents so that was already an issue, but then he took on a month long freelance assignment, essentially ending our budding romance.  here's his work schedule, not accounting the freelance project:

mon: 10am-6pm
tue: 10am-6pm
wed: 10am-6pm, 10pm-6am
thu: 10am-6pm
fri: 10am-11pm
sat: 12pm-9pm
sun: 12pm-9pm

so where do i fit in?  well, i don't.  this ridiculous schedule, a month long assignment, taking on a second freelance project, and caring for his parents.  i should have known better, but the rose colored glasses of the getting to know you period clouded my judgement.  the sad thing for me is, we talked about his schedule and he assured me that he would make time for me.  i feel bamboozled.  and incredibly hurt.

*sigh*

i've been taking this a lot harder than i normally would with guys when things don't work out.  i'm recognizing patterns within myself of how i handle emotional issues.  and i don't do it well, my friends.  i am so incredibly disappointed, but i'm ready to dust myself off and get back up on my feet.

i feel like a need a break from dating.  it's too disappointing between meeting assholes and then meeting guys i like but it doesn't work out.  i realize that it's best to meet someone when you're not looking, but i feel biologically we are designed to look.

i'm lonely, i want a partner, and while i have an amazing support system, my family and friends cannot fill every need for me.

let's hope next week will be better for my love life.

The third one's a charm

Hi. I'm back. I've been busy.

I had three dates this week -- one with the gym man and the others with some new OkCupid guys.

I haven't posted much recently because there hasn't been much to share. The gym man still continues to not know what he wants but he's good in bed, so I've been keeping him around for fun. He's a decent, attractive guy and he takes me out to dinner, we have good conversations. But after breaking my heart twice, I'm not letting him get that close again.

I had another date with a guy who also has an anatomically correct human heart on his arm, like me. Pretty cool. He pissed me off by nearly standing me up for dinner, but we made it work. Good conversation with him too and I think I would pursue him more if it weren't for guy #3.

I will call him.... Metal Man. I'm kind of crazy about him. He had contacted me on OkCupid and after a lot of talking on there, we moved to texting and then meeting for coffee. Our coffee date was 8 hours of walking around Old Town, eating sushi, talking and getting to know each other. Our second date happened after the above heart on the arm dudes date. I simply couldn't stop thinking about MM, so after my previous date we met up for drinks. Which turned into listening to music in my car, talking for hours, and then watching the sunrise over to Potomac. And then there was my friends birthday BBQ. I brought him as my date. So 3 dates with him, talking daily on text... I totally think this is my next boyfriend. And I've waited so long and waded thru so much shit..... But as excited and hopeful as I am, I'm scared shitless! It's terrifying for me to put myself out there like this. I am choosing hope. Cross your fingers for me. :)

why i hated this season of "the bachelor"

i'm not a huge fan of reality tv because i'm too much of a realist and i tend to nit pick things that are supposed to be real.  we all know it's scripted.  that said, i have become a (fickle) fan of the bachelor(ette).  as a single woman, it's appealing to spend 1-2 hours shutting your brain off and imagining a handsome man whisking you away with the hope of true love on the horizon.

of all the bachelor shows i've seen, this was my LEAST favorite.  first off, juan pablo is a fucking asshole.  the final episode made me so mad because it reminded me of all the assholes i've had the misfortune of dating.  men who are emotionally unavailable should go on craigslist casual encounters, a glory hole spot, buy a masturbation sleeve from me... or go to therapy.  they don't belong on dating websites and they most certainly don't belong on a national dating show!!!

(public enemy #1)

but we want to believe they DO want what we want... so we look past the warning signs, keep our heads down, and hope for the best. 

at least, this is what several of these chicks did.

i noticed early on that juan pablo had the same canned responses, but it wasn't until he told clare in the helicopter "i loved fucking you" after she asked if he loved her that i started to see red.  and then "after the final rose" when he "really liked" nikki but still won't say "i love you".  can you say PUBLICITY STUNT?!?!?!  absolutely disgusting.

some may say that these chicks should have expected it but i disagree.  speaking very generally (and about myself), women are hardwired to love and be in love.  everyone wants someone who will make them happy, care for them, someone to come home to......... i know i want that.  and i believe at the very least nikki and clare wanted that too.

why are men the ones with an upper hand???  why can they be devoid of feelings and women are supposed to expect that?  is it all a part of "playing the game"?

it's so frustrating!  i attempted to play the game back and act like a man, act like i didn't care and wasn't developing feelings for someone... but either way, they win.  WHERE ARE THE MEN THAT WANT A RELATIONSHIP?  DO THEY EVEN EXIST?!?!?!?!?!

it's all about you

hello readers!  i'm updating this week from sunny sin city las vegas, nv.  i'm here for my companies annual convention and i'm having the most amazing time.

this week i want to flip the tables and hear from YOU!!!  what's your best dating in the district moment?  it can be good, bad, or ugly but we want to hear about it!!!

comment below! :)

#treatyoself

sometimes i pre-write my blog posts since i'm so freaking busy and i don't want to skip a week... i happened to write out this week's blog post when i was feeling upset, angry, and lonely.  i haven't read it since and will be deleting the word document.  spreading negativity does nothing for you.  i simply needed to get those negative emotions out and keep it moving.

(seriously.... words to live by)

wednesday is my un-official day off and i have 412 things to do to get ready for my vegas trip this weekend.  i chose to seize the day and take myself on a date.  right now, i don't feel that i'm attracting the quality guys that i want and deserve in my life and that doesn't make me feel great.  so i'm looking for ways to treat myself to nice things to make myself feel good!  so today was all about me, getting ready for my trip, and doing what i wanted to do.  i dyed my hair, got a latte, got a manicure and pedicure, and went shopping.  my haul: rose scented candles, 2 MAC lipsticks, moisturizer, coffee pods, jewelry, and a few gifts for friends "just because".  when i was walking around doing my thing, i had an inner dialog going on about this specific entry.  when i thought about how i chose my happiness over feeling sad about a lack of love, i felt myself stand taller, prouder, and content.  it's amazing how it's as simple as a choice.

i want to get back into the swing of dating regularly.  i have so much love to give and i feel like i'd make an amazing girlfriend to a worthy man.  i won't sweat it for now.  one of my besties told me that when i'm with a guy, my business tends to slow down... but when i'm single, i'm rocking it out.  2014 has been a great year for me professionally and i don't want to lose ANY momentum.  ain't nobody got time for that!!!!

the cube

I had mentioned on my Facebook last week that I was cleaning my office and came across my "cube paper".  The cube is a written test that gives you some insight to things in your life.  My hairstylist shared it with me years ago and after finding it again, this will be a "test" I give to all my suitors.

1. The cube

How big is the cube?
What is its color? What do you think about that color?
How far away is it from you?
Is it transparent? Can you see what is inside?
How big is the cube compared to the desert? What is the ratio?

2. There is a ladder.

Is the ladder leaning on the cube?
What is the color of the ladder? What is it made of?
What impression does it give you?
What is the distance between the cube and the ladder?

3. There is a horse.

What is the distance between the cube and the horse?
What is the color of the horse?
What impression does it give you?
Is it tied? Is there a saddle?

4. There is a storm.

What is the distance between the storm and the cube.
Is it a big storm or a small storm?
Is it passing by or staying?

5. There is a flower/ there are flowers.

How many flowers are there?
Where is/are the flower/s?
What is the color of the flower/s?
How do you feel about the flower/s?

Answers are in the comments BUT DON'T PEEK!!!!  You can only do the cube test once in your life.  Enjoy :)

boring!! or is it?

there hasn't been much dating recently.  i'm working to earn a company trip to jamaica so it's been work work work, party party party, some fun with the FWB. 

FWB is a past guy i dated who i was CRAZY about.  i really thought i had finally found my next boyfriend, but commitment issues on his part got in the way so we split up. i've been so incredibly busy recently, but i still have needs.. which is where he comes in. he comes over, we conversate, and then 4 hours of crazy sex later, he goes home.  he spent the night for the first time on sunday and i appreciate him being a quiet sleeper!!

i had lunch with one of my girlfriends today and as we're catching up, she asks me if i want to date this guy, how i feel about everything, all the things your good girlfriends ask you about a potential partner.

if HE was ready and wanted a relationship, i would consider it.  but based on his past track record i'm not willing to strike out a third time and be the one to ask where we stand.  frankly, i'm satisfied with our current arrangement and once i earn the trip, i can get back to going on dates again with new men.  i'm not putting a lot of energy into it and i'm taking it for what it is: the bomb dot com sex from a very passionate man, who is thoughtful and kind but terrified of committing to anything....