Back to School, Back to Dating

Back to school is upon us. My Facebook feed is full of adorable pictures of kids dressed to the nines and that twinkle of excitement and hope for a new year. 

I fondly remember back to school shopping with my mom and hoping that this would be the year I would have more than one friend or the year I would finally fit in. It's so funny how life changes and how quirkiness becomes cool. 

The last time I wrote you, I was feeling overwhelmingly sad at my failed relationship. I was totally into the gym man, probably way too much. I needed some time to lick my wounds and recover. This is a dating blog and the last thing on my mind was dating. 

I've decided in the spirit of back to school to get myself back to dating. It's time! I have a bunch of cute dresses, my hair is finally the length I want, and a lot of you have asked when I'm going to start writing again. So here I am. 

Back on OkCupid. Back to wearing Pure Instinct pheromone cologne when I go out.... Which could be hazardous to my health. 

I've been stuck in the rut of meeting guys that I like but I'm too chicken shit to tell them (fucking fear of rejection) or guys that are waaaaaay into me and my life. 

I had my first date after a long hiatus a few weeks ago. I met him at a bacon party I attended with my bestie. The guy seemed nice and nerdy, physically not my type but my girlfriends always give me shit for being too picky. 

A few days after the party, he sent me a friends request on Facebook. I friended him back because I figured he was one of those people who friended anyone he met. We exchange some private messages before he asked me out to lunch, I agreed. 

The first red flag on our date were his white socks, pulled up to just below his knees with sneakers and khaki shorts. I suppose I should've been happy he wasn't wearing brown flip-flops too. He didn't hold the door open for me (some people don't care about this, but I do), but most importantly, his cuticles were disgusting. I take a lot of pride in my appearance and feel when you going on a date with someone, you should have it together. Another HUGE red flag was his cat. I love cats, they're my furry BFFs. But he shared with me that his 15-year-old cat had cancer, and he was spending $400 a week on chemotherapy treatments. All I could think was, I don't want to be around when that cat dies.

I knew on our date that there was no romantic connection there, no chemistry. I did offer to pay, he declined.  But it wasn't until after our date that the real insanity began. Facebook messages and texting me all day long, liking 25 of my pictures in a row... That's the equivalent of holding your dick in one hand and liking my pictures with the other. Gross. 

When I was on vacation in Amsterdam, he messaged me constantly and continued liking my photos constantly. I started feeling bad, so I messaged him and thanked him for liking all of my photos but I wasn't looking for a romantic relationship with him. 

He replied that he understood. The next day he began liking every single photo again and messaging me again. I realized dude can't take a hint, so I had to block him. Whomp whomp.

 

In conclusion, it's good to be back in the saddle and I'm grateful that there are many fish in the sea! 

i got dumped

Ahhh my neglected dating blog.  I only kind of missed you.  See, I had a boyfriend and was happy and hopeful for the future.  A man you've "met" before.  The gym man. 

When I met him, I was immediately enamored.  We dated for a couple months and it didn't work out.  Months later, we dated again for a couple months and it didn't work out.  I swore I was done with him, until one night January 2014, in a moment of weakness and 1.5 bottles of wine in, I invited him over.  We spent the next ten months dating until Veterans Day 2014, when I put my foot down and made the decision I wasn't going to be a booty call anymore and I wanted more of a commitment.

Things got better, there will still issues but he was trying and I was making huge strides opening up and being more transparent, an issue I've struggled with as long as I can remember.  That may have been my biggest downfall with him, being open.  He wasn't the best communicator and my biggest complaint was he would sometimes go "ghost" for days.  I explained my expectations of communication in relationship but he seemed to always fall short.  Getting stuck in his own head it seemed.

Easter weekend, we took our first trip together to Front Royal, VA.  We took a wine tour, ate some great food, relaxed, watched cartoons.. IT WAS AMAZING.  I felt so happy, so special, so cared for... and in another wine drunken moment of weakness, I told the gym man "I feel like I'm falling in love with you".  That was a lie.  It was love at first sight for me.  Early on, my gut said MARRY HIM.  Gym man was unlike any other man I had met and maybe it was chemistry and good pheromones and a lot of hope on my part that I no longer had to wade through the fucking bullshit that is the dating scene.

But that's not what happened.  Another check mark in the lose column.

We got home Sunday afternoon and went our separate ways for Easter dinner with our families.

Tuesday, I sent him a picture text.  No reply, but he didn't always get my picture texts so I didn't think much of it.

Wednesday, I texted him again without a picture.  No reply.

By Thursday, I was starting to feel kind of crazy.  Did he have an accident, was he hurt?  Did I do something wrong?  I told myself fuck it, he can have the silent treatment.  That didn't last long.  I called him because I couldn't take it anymore.  He told me he had been in his own head and thinking about the future.  "Thinking about the future" could be a positive, but not when your boyfriend has ignored you for the last 4 days.  He asked if he could call me later since he was headed to the gym.  I intentionally went out so I could miss his call.  I knew what was coming deep down.

We finally spoke that following Sunday.  I couldn't take being in limbo any longer and I had to know.  So I called him -- so fucked up I had to do that.  He told me he was disappointed in himself for not having the conversation in person.  And what he said next, I wish I could unhear.  I wish I could "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" myself.  It was so gut wrenching, so terrible.  The best way to describe how I felt?  As if my heart was a bright light bulb that someone had taken and smashed on the ground.  Then took a sledgehammer to it.  And then took a giant shit on it.

"I like you, but not as much as you like me, and I don't ever see that changing."

Big ouch.  The ULTIMATE form of rejection.  He's just not that into you.  And I had to be the one to call him to hear that.

He offered to reimburse me for our romantic weekend, since he admitted he had been feeling this way before the trip.  Which of course made me angry that I spent my time, money, and a weekend off work for someone who just liked me after dating almost 2 years total.  So when he sent me the money on Paypal, he itemized the entire thing.  Down to the cents.  My itemized relationship.

It's been two weeks now, I'm better than I was and not crying all the time.  I am hurt and angry, sad and depressed.  I'm terrified of opening myself up again and will take the time I need to recover before getting back on the dating scene, and hopefully continuing this blog with humorous stories in the future.

He's back on OkCupid.  Big big big ouch.

My friends have been 50/50.  Some reached out.  Some haven't.  One told me that he never liked me and was just using me until he found someone that was better suited for him.  So there's that. 

My mom told me I should try Match again.  I think because my sister met her husband on Match, she thinks it's the answer.

Right now, I'm trying to work on nourishing my soul and taking care of me.  I have two vacations coming up that I'm excited about.  I will be okay, this breakup really threw me for a loop as I thought things were really good.  And it leaves me questioning how I could have been so blind to this.

He'd have a great career in acting.

disappointment, my old friend

the last time i updated my blog, i was raving about the metal man and how awesome he was.  on our first date, i though "this guy is going to be my next boyfriend!"  stupid chick brain always believing in the possibility of romance......
 

i really put myself out there with him.  i was transparent.  i didn't put up the walls.  we talked everyday thru text, 1-3 hour long phone conversations... and then suddenly, the phone conversations stopped, the long texts of Q&A changed to short replies.  he wasn't giving me much to work with.  he works essentially 2 full time jobs and takes care of his parents so that was already an issue, but then he took on a month long freelance assignment, essentially ending our budding romance.  here's his work schedule, not accounting the freelance project:

mon: 10am-6pm
tue: 10am-6pm
wed: 10am-6pm, 10pm-6am
thu: 10am-6pm
fri: 10am-11pm
sat: 12pm-9pm
sun: 12pm-9pm

so where do i fit in?  well, i don't.  this ridiculous schedule, a month long assignment, taking on a second freelance project, and caring for his parents.  i should have known better, but the rose colored glasses of the getting to know you period clouded my judgement.  the sad thing for me is, we talked about his schedule and he assured me that he would make time for me.  i feel bamboozled.  and incredibly hurt.

*sigh*

i've been taking this a lot harder than i normally would with guys when things don't work out.  i'm recognizing patterns within myself of how i handle emotional issues.  and i don't do it well, my friends.  i am so incredibly disappointed, but i'm ready to dust myself off and get back up on my feet.

i feel like a need a break from dating.  it's too disappointing between meeting assholes and then meeting guys i like but it doesn't work out.  i realize that it's best to meet someone when you're not looking, but i feel biologically we are designed to look.

i'm lonely, i want a partner, and while i have an amazing support system, my family and friends cannot fill every need for me.

let's hope next week will be better for my love life.

The third one's a charm

Hi. I'm back. I've been busy.

I had three dates this week -- one with the gym man and the others with some new OkCupid guys.

I haven't posted much recently because there hasn't been much to share. The gym man still continues to not know what he wants but he's good in bed, so I've been keeping him around for fun. He's a decent, attractive guy and he takes me out to dinner, we have good conversations. But after breaking my heart twice, I'm not letting him get that close again.

I had another date with a guy who also has an anatomically correct human heart on his arm, like me. Pretty cool. He pissed me off by nearly standing me up for dinner, but we made it work. Good conversation with him too and I think I would pursue him more if it weren't for guy #3.

I will call him.... Metal Man. I'm kind of crazy about him. He had contacted me on OkCupid and after a lot of talking on there, we moved to texting and then meeting for coffee. Our coffee date was 8 hours of walking around Old Town, eating sushi, talking and getting to know each other. Our second date happened after the above heart on the arm dudes date. I simply couldn't stop thinking about MM, so after my previous date we met up for drinks. Which turned into listening to music in my car, talking for hours, and then watching the sunrise over to Potomac. And then there was my friends birthday BBQ. I brought him as my date. So 3 dates with him, talking daily on text... I totally think this is my next boyfriend. And I've waited so long and waded thru so much shit..... But as excited and hopeful as I am, I'm scared shitless! It's terrifying for me to put myself out there like this. I am choosing hope. Cross your fingers for me. :)

why i hated this season of "the bachelor"

i'm not a huge fan of reality tv because i'm too much of a realist and i tend to nit pick things that are supposed to be real.  we all know it's scripted.  that said, i have become a (fickle) fan of the bachelor(ette).  as a single woman, it's appealing to spend 1-2 hours shutting your brain off and imagining a handsome man whisking you away with the hope of true love on the horizon.

of all the bachelor shows i've seen, this was my LEAST favorite.  first off, juan pablo is a fucking asshole.  the final episode made me so mad because it reminded me of all the assholes i've had the misfortune of dating.  men who are emotionally unavailable should go on craigslist casual encounters, a glory hole spot, buy a masturbation sleeve from me... or go to therapy.  they don't belong on dating websites and they most certainly don't belong on a national dating show!!!

(public enemy #1)

but we want to believe they DO want what we want... so we look past the warning signs, keep our heads down, and hope for the best. 

at least, this is what several of these chicks did.

i noticed early on that juan pablo had the same canned responses, but it wasn't until he told clare in the helicopter "i loved fucking you" after she asked if he loved her that i started to see red.  and then "after the final rose" when he "really liked" nikki but still won't say "i love you".  can you say PUBLICITY STUNT?!?!?!  absolutely disgusting.

some may say that these chicks should have expected it but i disagree.  speaking very generally (and about myself), women are hardwired to love and be in love.  everyone wants someone who will make them happy, care for them, someone to come home to......... i know i want that.  and i believe at the very least nikki and clare wanted that too.

why are men the ones with an upper hand???  why can they be devoid of feelings and women are supposed to expect that?  is it all a part of "playing the game"?

it's so frustrating!  i attempted to play the game back and act like a man, act like i didn't care and wasn't developing feelings for someone... but either way, they win.  WHERE ARE THE MEN THAT WANT A RELATIONSHIP?  DO THEY EVEN EXIST?!?!?!?!?!

it's all about you

hello readers!  i'm updating this week from sunny sin city las vegas, nv.  i'm here for my companies annual convention and i'm having the most amazing time.

this week i want to flip the tables and hear from YOU!!!  what's your best dating in the district moment?  it can be good, bad, or ugly but we want to hear about it!!!

comment below! :)

#treatyoself

sometimes i pre-write my blog posts since i'm so freaking busy and i don't want to skip a week... i happened to write out this week's blog post when i was feeling upset, angry, and lonely.  i haven't read it since and will be deleting the word document.  spreading negativity does nothing for you.  i simply needed to get those negative emotions out and keep it moving.

(seriously.... words to live by)

wednesday is my un-official day off and i have 412 things to do to get ready for my vegas trip this weekend.  i chose to seize the day and take myself on a date.  right now, i don't feel that i'm attracting the quality guys that i want and deserve in my life and that doesn't make me feel great.  so i'm looking for ways to treat myself to nice things to make myself feel good!  so today was all about me, getting ready for my trip, and doing what i wanted to do.  i dyed my hair, got a latte, got a manicure and pedicure, and went shopping.  my haul: rose scented candles, 2 MAC lipsticks, moisturizer, coffee pods, jewelry, and a few gifts for friends "just because".  when i was walking around doing my thing, i had an inner dialog going on about this specific entry.  when i thought about how i chose my happiness over feeling sad about a lack of love, i felt myself stand taller, prouder, and content.  it's amazing how it's as simple as a choice.

i want to get back into the swing of dating regularly.  i have so much love to give and i feel like i'd make an amazing girlfriend to a worthy man.  i won't sweat it for now.  one of my besties told me that when i'm with a guy, my business tends to slow down... but when i'm single, i'm rocking it out.  2014 has been a great year for me professionally and i don't want to lose ANY momentum.  ain't nobody got time for that!!!!